YouTube does not have seams, because it is a video-streaming site, not a garment. But if it did have seams, it would be bursting at them with perfectly coiffed self-made celebrities who understand the importance of a good ring-light.
Most of these celebrities carry with them the distinct look of someone whose parents take them skiing on a regular basis, but their popularity knows few bounds and, as that chap in Spider-Man might have said had his character not been killed off in the name of plot advancement, with great popularity comes a great big book deal.
There are two tests when approaching books by YouTubers. In the first, you ask yourself if the book would ever have existed without the lure of a huge cheque, though it’s important to acknowledge that most YouTubers will consider cheques old hat, and will only accept transactions made using PayPal, Bitcoin and unicorn emojis.
In the second test, you need to imagine these YouTubers in their 50s. When they spot a copy of this book on their shelf, do they react with anything other than a sigh and “Well, it made a lot of money for very little work”?
Add to that a third criterion – is this book simply a festive cash-in con? – and you’re ready to go.
This Book Loves You by PewDiePie
Penguin, £12.99
With 40 million subscribers, 26-year-old gamer Felix Arvid Ulf Kjellberg (let’s stick with PewDiePie) recently topped Forbes’ list of YouTube’s highest-paid stars, having earned $12m in a year.
A report last year claimed that the UK publishes more books per capita than any other country, with 20 new titles appearing every hour during 2014. Figures for 2015 are yet to roll in, and practical issues prevent me from studying each one published so far this year, but I can still state with total confidence that This Book Loves You is the worst of the lot. Remember, too, that this is the year in which Morrissey published his debut novel.
PewDiePie’s jokes, such as they are, are not funny; his wisdom, such as it is, comes in just three flavours: trite, condescending, and trite and condescending.
Peculiarly, among the drivel, there’s also a strong sense of contempt for PewDiePie’s fans. Text splashed across facing pages by a designer evidently rather familiar with the work of Anthony Burrill reads: “NOTHING IN LIFE COMES EASY / SO WHY DO YOU EXPECT SOMETHING OUT OF A QUOTE.” People without friends are told to “sit in a corner and cry”. On one particularly eyebrow-raising page, bold text instructs: “DON’T WORRY ABOUT YOUR PROBLEMS – IF YOU END UP DEAD TOMORROW THEY’LL BE GONE,” which leaves an unfortunate taste in the mouth.
Cheque test: FAIL
Future bookshelf test: FAIL
Con factor: 83%
Binge by Tyler Oakley
Simon & Schuster, £14.99
As of last month, the Michigan-born pop culture enthusiast, “professional fangirl” and LGBT activist had generated 516m YouTube views.
The likable and self-deprecating tone that propelled Tyler Oakley to 11.7 million social followers translates well to print, and he hits the ground running. Binge’s opening chapter begins with Oakley attempting to recall his first birthday party: “I probably ate the fuck out of some cake, and I probably shat my pants. I assume that I’ll be spending my very last birthday the exact same way, not to mention a few in between if things go unexpectedly well.”
Oakley organises his memoir into themed chapters but common threads include his sexuality (Oakley is, for the avoidance of any doubt, a homosexual), a genuine passion for pop culture, a romantic spirit and an appetite for misadventure.
Binge feels like a story that needed telling – rather than pages that needed filling – and presents as strong a case as any for the positive power of YouTube celebrity. Uniquely, among this selection, it leaves the reader with a sense that there could actually be something more to this social star than meets the eye. Even more surprisingly, you finish with the feeling that you’d like to know what that something is.
Cheque test: PASS
Future bookshelf test: PASS
Con factor: 3%
Girl Online on Tour by Zoe Sugg
Penguin, £12.99
Zoe Sugg (aka Zoella), a 25-year-old fashion and beauty expert, is the desktop-wallpaper girl of the YouTuber movement, having notched up more than half a billion views since 2009.
Novel time! Last year’s Girl Online was 2014’s fastest-selling book, but Zoe Sugg’s success was clouded by controversy relating to the novel’s ghostwritten status. At the time, the volume of criticism thrown at Sugg – when so few celebrity books are entirely self-authored – seemed slightly unfair but, in April, Sugg announced that she would be writing her next novel herself, with only the help of an editor. And here it is, picking up the story of Penny and Noah, hurling around various self-help tips, and mentioning Skype every few pages.
To her dubious credit, Sugg has certainly managed to hit on a similar style to former “writing partner” Siobhan Curham, this time only acknowledging the help of editor Amy Alward, with whom Sugg would spend “writing Wednesdays” knocking the story into shape. In the acknowledgements, Sugg notes that her boyfriend, Alfie Deyes, fell asleep while she was reading him the first chapter. Perhaps he was just exhausted from his own literary travails (see below).
Cheque test: FAIL
Future bookshelf test: FAIL
Con factor: 45%
The Amazing Book is Not on Fire by Dan & Phil
Ebury, £16.99
Having turned chatting shit into a borderline artform, Dan Howell, 24, and Phil Lester, 28, are the emo-haired One Direction of British YouTubers. They’ve toured the UK, and are regulars on Radio 1’s weekly Internet Takeover night-time show.
This may seem faint praise, but scrapbook-style, personality-led Christmas gifts don’t get much better than this. Compare Dan & Phil’s book with efforts from PewDiePie and Alfie Deyes, in which pathetic one-liners and banal half-thoughts are stretched wrapping-paper-thin across entire pages, and here you’ll find pages stuffed with words, but also overflowing with ideas. Segments such as the eight-page Manga-inspired cartoon recall the spark and creativity that ran through the duo’s early YouTube clips, and propelled them to online fame more than half a decade ago.
The pair also avoid the trap of underestimating their fans’ intelligence: on a guided tour of their London apartment, Dan writes that the depicted desk is “where I am writing these very words”. “Dan!” Phil retorts. “I told you to stop breaking the fourth page.”
The Amazing Book is Not on Fire easily passes the 50-year-old’s bookshelf test, and it does so by design. In the book’s final pages, Dan hopes that the book is “something we can keep in our houses, so that long into the future we can all look back and remember who these Dan & Phil guys were and what they did.” It’s a declaration that’s endearing and self-aware, just a couple of the qualities that make Dan & Phil’s popularity easy to comprehend.
Cheque test: PASS
Future bookshelf test: PASS
Con factor: 5%
They Let Me Write a Book! by Jamie Curry
HarperCollins, £9.99
Curry’s channel, Jamie’s World, started life on Facebook in 2011, and it’s notable for Curry’s endearingly awkward manner, sardonic delivery, extreme gurning and offbeat sketches.
Jamie Curry was 16 when she started posting videos from her bedroom in New Zealand; 1.4 million YouTube subscribers later, here’s her guide to life. Curry is hardly YouTube’s biggest hitter in terms of subscribers (Zoella, for instance, boasts 9.5 million subscribers) but she trumps the lot with her engaging personality, shambolic skits and dry sense of humour.
Her character converts well to this lively book, which comes with annotations from her dad (“I was most proud of Jamie during a Hawke’s Bay badminton tournament”) and is formatted as a barrage of lists, quotes, tips and random musings. There is a fair amount of padding (of only two essential skincare tips, one is: “Wash your face”; of five recipes, one is tinned spaghetti on toast), but she’s particularly good on non-cheesy self-esteem boosters. Of trolls and haters, she observes: “[A] big part of life online is dealing with a tsunami of haterade, which I have learned to confidently surf all the way to the sandy shores of ‘I don’t give a hoot’ bay.”
Cheque test: FAIL
Future bookshelf test: PASS
Con factor: 58%
The Pointless Book by Alfie Deyes
(Blink, £20)
High-spirited “larks” have earned Deyes 4.7 million YouTube subscribers on his PointlessBlog channel. In 2013, he appeared on the Band Aid 20 single.
While Tyler Oakley’s book offers warmth and insight, Jamie Curry’s gives a handful of laughs and Dan & Phil’s text-packed tome offers plenty to read, Alfie Deyes’ 2014 effort The Pointless Book pulled off the impressive task of delivering none of the above and so, so much less.
It’s bundled here (in a tin, for some reason) with The Pointless Book 2, a title whose lack of originality in the titling sphere will come as little surprise to anyone who has read Keri Smith’s spookily similar, marginally superior and significantly older interactive books such as Wreck This Journal and Finish This Book, a format homaged to within an inch of its life across Deyes’ two-volume non-extravaganza.
What’s new in volume two? Well, there’s a page on which readers are told to list their favourite words, and another on which to draw your favourite house. Things get particularly grim when the text “Fill this page with doodles” appears under the title “Doodles” on an otherwise empty page. To be fair, there are good instructions on how to build a fort out of sofa cushions on page 170, but these books (along with a cheapo tote bag and some black-and-white cards – not even a sheet of stickers) are the worst thing you’re likely to see in a tin this Christmas, unless someone buys you a can of baked beans and miniature sausages.
Cheque test: FAIL
Future bookshelf test: FAIL
Con factor: 98%
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