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Editorial Observer

What the Single Ladies Have Wanted for More Than a Century

In 2013, 44 percent of Americans over 18 were single, according to census data. And in 2012, the percentage over 25 who had never been married hit 23 percent for men and 17 percent for women, the highest levels since 1960.

While many single people are quite happy to live alone, it’s not always easy. When Kate Bolick, whose new book “Spinster” discusses her own singleness, first lived in her own apartment, she said, “it felt unbelievably exciting to be simply living by myself and master of my own domain. But then maybe at around the seven-year mark it started to feel kind of repetitive and lonely.”

Many single people relish their autonomy and don’t necessarily want to be part of a couple (a 2005 Pew survey found that only 16 percent of unmarried people were looking for a partner). But some would like another option, a way to have companionship without entering into a romantic relationship.

That might mean roommate groupings that might be more stable than the 20-something variety. Ms. Bolick said one of her favorite living arrangements was the home she shared with a married couple. “I was living my own life, doing my own things, but had this kind of home base to return to,” she said.

Or it might mean a larger community that mixes shared and individual space. “Cohousing” communities around the country typically include private homes surrounding a common house where residents can gather for meals and other activities.

Joani Blank lives in a cohousing community in Oakland, Calif. Of 20 households there, she said, about 12 (including hers) are headed by single people. The community was founded 15 years ago, and 16 of its original members still live there. Residents prepare communal meals three times a week, and help one another in other ways; recently, one of Ms. Blank’s neighbors took care of her dog while she was away.

Communal living arrangements were embraced by 19th-century feminists. The activist Melusina Fay Peirce was advocating that women join together in a “cooperative housekeeping” system as early as the 1860s, Ms. Bolick notes in her book, while Charlotte Perkins Gilman, the social reformer and author of the short story “The Yellow Wallpaper,” called for groups of kitchenless apartments for professional women, with meals served by a single, professionally staffed kitchen.

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Residents of a "cohousing" community in Sacramento gather for dinner.Credit...Max Whittaker for The New York Times

Others became involved in the socialist and utopian communities of the time — the journalist Marie Stevens Case Howland, for instance, lived for a time at the Familistère, a workers’ community in Guise, France, that included a factory, living quarters, and a school. She also designed homes with shared kitchen, dining, and laundry facilities, though these homes were never built.

Despite the dreams and efforts of such thinkers, though, Americans who want to live communally still face obstacles. One is zoning law, which can limit the number of unrelated people who can live together in certain neighborhoods or types of buildings. Such laws were often passed to prevent overcrowding and noise, particularly in postwar developments that aimed to attract only traditional families.

Another obstacle is design. Since the 19th century, Western architecture has focused on the needs of “the heterosexual bourgeois family,” with master bedrooms and smaller rooms for children or servants, said Alice Friedman, an art professor at Wellesley College and the author of “Women and the Making of the Modern House.”

But homes built for nuclear families may not work for single adults living together. They might need big common rooms, more clearly separated spaces for privacy, and even multiple entrances.

Even if innovations like these become more common, many Americans still aren’t comfortable with the idea of living with people who aren’t related by marriage or blood. The idea of cohabiting with unrelated people not solely out of financial necessity but as way to share a life, said Bella DePaulo, a social psychologist, “just hasn’t been part of our cultural consciousness.”

Of course, sharing life this way isn’t always easy, either, Ms. DePaulo points out. Living singly means relying on friends in ways that people used to rely on nuclear families, and that can create new kinds of frictions.

Still, removing some of the barriers to communal living would give America’s growing population of single people the opportunity, at least, to decide if living with other people works for them. It might also encourage Americans in general to think more creatively about our homes, our cities and our social networks.

Many single people, said Ms. DePaulo, want homes that combine privacy with community and sociability. That combination sounds pretty attractive for anybody, single or not.

A version of this article appears in print on  , Section A, Page 26 of the New York edition with the headline: What the Single Ladies Have Wanted for More Than a Century. Order Reprints | Today’s Paper | Subscribe

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