10 ways to tell that you're out of touch at work

Watching a colleague fail to “get it” in a meeting full of senior executives is, on the face of it, one of most deliciously schadenfreude-rich workplace experiences there is. But your inner laughter (or sympathy if you’re a better person) is always tinged with insecurity. Inevitably, you start thinking, there but for the grace of God go I, and wonder if it’ll be you next time round. So, what are the some of the signs that you don’t get it?

1. You use the wrong jargon.

All workplaces have their own language and their own peculiar terms and it’s ridiculous to expect people to avoid these. But you should have a natural feel for what works and what doesn’t and exercise moderation. The right jargon says, “I’m on the inside and I’m using these words to communicate concisely and clearly.” The wrong jargon says, “I’m David Brent.”

2. You’re out of the loop.

Discovering that you’re not invited to meetings, especially informal meetings. Realising you don’t know what line to take and that in-jokes pass you by. Missing out on the best gossip and not understanding the office’s informal hierarchy. These are all signs that your fast track is rapidly becoming a slow lane. You need to be more political, network, socialise with colleagues and stop clinging to notions such as “the quality of my work speaks for itself”.

3. You own/use a Blackberry.

The message this sends out is that either you’re behind the times technologically or your company is. These days, no-one cares what kind of smartphone you use (banging on endlessly about the superiority of your iPhone also suggests a 2010 mindset) but it should be a smart phone. That’s about it, really. The only mainstream alternative is one of those ancient Nokias. This says: “I value five day battery life more than Instagram.”

4. Your have the wrong email address.

Obviously you can’t change your work email. But, whether it’s job hunting or working from home, your personal address is likely to have some workplace exposure. Here, the sensible-shoes option is Gmail, the US dollar of email. Less impressive is Yahoo (which suggests you back losers) and worse still are the rubbishy ISP addresses that came free with your broadband (these scream, “Dad!”). Strangely, these days, a Hotmail address is OK as it says, “I was there at the beginning. Why change now?” Owning your own name as a domain (me@myname.com) shows you get it – and if your name is common it shows you got it a long time ago. But you can go too far. Although tech evangelists are forever saying that email is broken beyond repair, telling someone to follow you on Twitter when they’ve asked for your email address is just smug and annoying.

5. You quote Malcolm Gladwell.

The point is not that you should hate Gladwell, just that Blink was published in 2005 and its author’s subsequent books have been less impressive. The same is true of Freakonomics and TED talks. You’re not going to look like you’re out on the cutting edge by quoting the “think different” sources that everyone knows. So look for less obvious sources of insight. Even if you only read a couple of books such as Daniel Kahneman’s Thinking Fast and Slow and Thomas Picketty’s Capital in the Twenty-First Century, you’ll be ahead of most of your colleagues.

6. You dress wrong.

Of course, this is highly contextual. Work in the City and dressing "right" is far smarter than if you work in Shoreditch. But all workplaces have uniforms and, really, you should know what yours is instinctively. As a general rule, in forward-looking sectors, the standard suit and tie is falling from favour, especially the tie. There are exceptions everywhere (notably Google’s exquisitely-suited Vint Cerf) but, if you are a wearing a four-year-old M&S suit and a tie your mum bought you, you are the rule not the exception. As for bow-ties, they demonstrate that, not only do you not get it, but you think you’re an iconoclast. Just don’t.

7. You’re not on LinkedIn. Or Facebook. Or Twitter.

Look, you don’t have to microblog your life on these networks, but you need to bear in mind that contacts, potential employers and co-workers will Google you. And that if they find a decent Linked In profile or a thousand followers on Twitter, you’ll have ticked a box. You don’t want to over-tick this box though. Fourteen years after the infamous Claire Swires email, plenty of people still don’t understand that if you boast about matters best kept private online, your boss might hear of it.

8. Your people don’t respect you.

If you manage a team and see your underlings paying lip service to what you say, networking around you and applying for positions without telling you, these are all signs that you’re yesterday’s manager. The same is true if no-one in the hierarchy ever comments positively on your people. You need to re-engage with them, lead, and earn back their respect and trust. Do nothing and you’ll eventually see one of your old reports become your new boss.

9. You’re always the last to leave.

Presenteeism is a serious and rather melancholy indicator of insecurity. If you’re on top your game, you’ll know that sometimes you work in your own time – and that means you leave at 6pm or earlier when you’re not busy. Besides, if you’re really delivering the goods, people are unlikely to care when you show up or leave. While we’re at it, don’t put an Out Of Office responder on your email when you go into a meeting for an hour: it's laughably self-important.

10. You’re hung up on outdated status symbols.

Thirty years after the 1980s, some people still measure their success in terms of flashy company cars, grand-sounding titles, chunky watches and flying business class even when they’re going to Paris. What really matters are things like your actual place in the hierarchy, your salary and benefits such as a great pension plan. Also, if you’re high up the corporate tree, there’s a lot to be said for showing a bit of solidarity with staff. Nobody ever hates their CEO for cycling to work or flying EasyJet.