The Islamic Circle of North America (ICNA) which is one of America’s largest Muslim organizations just wrapped up its annual conference in Baltimore, MD. Like every major Islamic organization which holds a conference except for one, the matrimony booth or session is a mainstay. Indeed one of the rare times in which young American Muslims have the opportunity to find potential mates outside of arranged marriages through parents is at conferences such as ICNA’s.
It is common at such matrimonial events to have participants fill out basic questionnaires. This year at ICNA was met with complaints due to a section pertaining to persons having skin complexion preferences. After this was brought to the attention of ICNA’s leadership, its president issued an apology.
SEE BELOW:
I commend ICNA’s president for issuing an apology regarding this issue. In sha Allah, this will not be on ICNA’s questionnaire nor any other Islamic organization’s questionnaire in upcoming conferences.
Some may say that there is nothing wrong with having a section for stating one’s skin color preference. It’s no doubt that persons have varying preferences pertaining to physical appearance ranging from height to weight. Skin complexion may also be a factor of preference to many as well.
The problem, however, of this being on a questionnaire from an Islamic organization resides in two aspects, those being implicit bias informed by white supremacy that subtly guides preferences and the other being having such an option on a questionnaire which passively furthers such problematic framework.
There is no doubt that white supremacy has damaged the Muslim psyche. Colonialism bred inferiority complexes into Muslims stretching from the Indian subcontinent to Africa and beyond which includes seeing standards of beauty personified in European features ranging from skin color, eye color and hair texture. This is a fact that has been well studied from from black children desiring to play with white dolls over blacks dolls thinking that the white dolls are more beautiful to Fair & Lovely and other skin bleach creams being a multi-billion dollar business worldwide due to South Asian and African women desiring lighter skin.
Grandparents and parents in our community still tell our girls not to play outside in the sun too long out of fear that they will get dark. Our daughters are also met with microagressions such as “You’re so pretty for a dark girl!” The flawed thought behind this of course is that girls with darker skin are less desirable for marriage thus will be less successful in life.
It’s the duty of Islamic organizations to not only desist from passively facilitating this implicit bias but also to undo it. Islamic organizations now having more conversations about race relations in our community, which is fantastic. Much of the conversations, however, are just scratching the surface. We have experts within our own community to discuss the issues of race relations in our community and in America that need to be not only brought in to speak but also need to be actively engaged for shura. Though we have clear texts in the Qur’an and the Sunnah regarding the fallacy of racial supremacy, we also need historical and sociology critiques on what colonialism did the Muslim mind and how America’s de facto racial hierarchy influences how our community operates today including who we prefer and disdain for our children to marry.
I’m of the opinion that not only should this discussion be at the forefront of main sessions at all Islamic conferences, but that there should be an annual Islamic conference just on the issue of racial justice inside and outside of the American Muslim community.
I don’t think their is any thing wrong with that if some one prefer black over white or white over black or who they are attracted to nothing wrong with that in my opinion it’s just who you are attracted to and who you are looking for as a life partner
Then you are saying that you would marry based on this bias as opposed to the person’s Islam. You “preference” is part of the problem. You are saying that you would not consider anyone for marriage who was not the color you preferred.
People are allowed to have preferences over who they are attracted to. People absolutely do have every right to refuse a marriage if the other party is unattractive in their eyes.
And while it’s OK to not find a light skinned or a dark skinned person unattractive it’s not OK to vocalize this because of the racist undertones it will unavoidably have because of the cultural context we are in (history of slavery and colonization thus leading to negative stereotypes of darker skinned folk).
Of course, people are entitled to their preferences. I acknowledge that people have preferences. The question becomes has implicit bias based upon colonialism and structural racism informed those preferences. I strongly say yes.
That’s the problem you see nothing wrong with the very question itself
AssalaamuAlaikum,
For over twenty five years Taqwa Productions, Inc (an African-American owned Muslim Live Streaming Video Production Company), has provided its services to ICNA without any racial conflicts or incidents. Al Hamdulillah!
Several years back, attending the ICNA-GEORGIA conference in Atlanta, I had an opportunity to offer some comments surrounding the issue of Islamic education. My proposal was for ICNA to become visible and supportive of The Mohammedschools.org, a nationally
recognized, predominantly African-
American, accredited PK-12, Islamic school. I received several positive comments from the attendees, and the
moderator promised to find funding and
reach out to the school.
I’m grateful for the new president of ICNA-GEORGIA, Mr. Mitchell, an African-American attorney and native Atlantan. May Allah swt give him wisdom and sensitivity to address this concern.
Perhs this is a “wake up” call and my suggestion will be taken seriously. InshaaAllah.
Hajja Habibah Shakir
“There is no doubt that white supremacy has damaged the Muslim psyche”…. Ya Shaykh, arab supremacism caused more damage in the Ummah than white supremacism did.
For once, Arab is not limited to phenotype. The original Arabs resembled Africans more in skin tone and even hair texture, and there are black Arabs today in Hadramawt, Yemen to Sudan, etc.
This issue that my post is dealing with is the effects that white supremacy has on informing colorism given the history of slavery, colonialism and American white supremacy. This conference is a South Asian dominant conference, not Arab.
This is the context of my comments. Hope that gives some more clarity.
This is a good article. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Until I traveled outside of America, I thought this white supremacy was only an American/Europe phenomenon, but it truly can be found everywhere.
I agree that racism comes in all forms, whether implicit or overt, and that some Muslim families won’t allow their children to marry darker skinned folks out of sheer racism. However, Br. Dawud, you are incorrect in telling ICNA to take that question off their matrimonial questionnaire. Being pleased with your future spouse’s outer appearances (i.e. skin color, skin tone, hair color/texture, body shape, height, weight) is a necessary component of marriage. It is not superficial, but practical.
When the Prophet says to look at righteousness & piety in a spouse, he wasn’t saying that is the only thing to look for in a spouse! How impractical that you have to live with a person on a day-to-day basis and you don’t find their appearance attractive; therefore, you don’t lower your gaze and don’t want to have sex with them. Or even worse, perhaps it will lead you to want to have sex with another person (adultery is one of the major causes for divorce). How impractical that you find your spouse’s socio-economic status not up to par with what you were raised with and then fight over money (major cause of divorce is money issues). How impractical that a person has to only look at piety when that is definitely not the only thing which sustains and leads to a happy marriage.
In many other places in Hadiths, the Prophet talks about looks, wealth of men who can provide maintenance for wife, and social status as being reasons for marriage too. Selecting a spouse is about having a holistic approach and how you look on the outside/chemistry is important in marriage.
If someone only likes All-American looking white guys or white girls, then that is their preference. If someone only likes exotic South Asian men and women, then so be it, it is their preference. If someone only likes African women and men, then so be it. If someone only likes Asian women or men, then so be it. If someone only likes Arab women and men with olive skin, then so be it! They have to live with the person and look at their face and body for a veryyyyyyyyyyyy long time.
Again, I said in my post that people will have preferences. The whole issue of color preference shouldn’t be listed and passively promotes a problem that is in us. I stated the reasons very clearly.
Also, there are mothers who look for spouses for their children. Many parents don’t want their children marrying darker people and are involved in the questionnaire process. I know exactly how it goes. Parents shouldn’t impose their physical preferences on their children and should not have the doors opened to them for that at any Islamic function.
Wow…Just wow..this may be an age old topic that plagues all POC communities but the ridiculousness from it never gets old.
Reading this blog post had me thinking about a relative of mine. He’s a tan reddish colored African American (now) man and to some people..he’s a good looking guy..but he has a disability,he’s bipolar and has ADD. For three years,we had to endure with unpleasant episodes of his and had to be hospitalized a couple of times. For a while I thought that we would have to deal with his fits forever that he would never be a normal child , have a normal life or worse.. he would be dead.
Patience is a virtue and we have been very blessed. He’s now 18 years old.I got to see my brother dress him for his prom, have a great prom date/,very pretty dark skinned girlfriend with a great head on her and she has encouraged my relative so much that now his life is improving because of it.He plans on going to college and working..and more so he haven’t had an episode in five years. I have a young neighbor who is severely autistic ( not totally sure) to the point where he’s in and out of his world and he can’t speak very well. He’s 17.When I look at that child , in spite of my relative past struggles with his problems.. it makes me thankful that he can talk ,walk,go to school.. and even have a social life. When I prayed, I asked for peace..for him and my family.Even as a baby ,it was the same..I didn’t ask for him to be light…I just wanted him to be right.
I think about the days where I said I had preferences for something and someone .Sure, I * emphasizing* may have a preference for chess cake over vegetables but just because I would prefer to eat it..as we all know.. doesn’t mean it’s good for you.
It’s the same with people. I once dated a guy who was almost the total package:fairly nice looking,college educated with a good job and has his own place.Far as his color, it didn’t matter to me. Anyways… my friends thought I hit the jackpot.I thought I was going down an abyss. He was boring,power hunger and something about him that just told me that he wasn’t right. As time passes,I found myself being less and less attracted to him.It got to the point where I quit him.He wanted to marry me but I had to be true to myself.My friends thought that I was nutty for my decision. No..I was not..there wasn’t no use in me being with a guy…regardless of his economic status.. that I wasn’t happy with.
I’m a Christian and every morning I ask for the almighty for guidance for my life in all areas in my life because what we may see as our best may not necessarily be the Lord’s best.
While people may have a standard in their own mind, you will never see skin complexion as a written option on any dating site. You may see a nationality or cultural preference due to language and custom, but not color and do you know why? Because every country on earth has fair and dark complexions especially within the Arab peninsula and African subcontinent.
True.
The usage of term “fair” for skin color is problematic. Equating fair with light skin connotes fairness as goodness. Dark skin isn’t unfair.
That is a good perspective. I am pale skinned and was once told by a group of my Muslim neighbors that it is impossible that I am Muslim because I am not brown skinned. At that moment, I really started absorbing how there are so many incorrect assumptions.
My preference is taqwa. Full stop.