Get Back With an Ex?
Reuniting with a lost love can seem more comfortable than meeting someone else for the first time.
Unlike new relationships, old issues may get in the way though.
Was the breakup caused by:
- cheating
- distance
- parental disapproval
Depending on the circumstances of your breakup, reuniting with a past love could be an exciting or nerve-wracking experience.
How do you make a connection?
What do you talk about?
To make the relationship work the second time around, follow these steps.
1. Search
Years ago, finding someone from your past was a daunting experience. You had to track your ex’s activities from common friends, visit your hometown, or attend high school reunions just to get an idea on where he or she is.
Nowadays, finding past loves is much easier.
Thanks to social networking sites, getting back with an ex is becoming more and more common. If Facebook hasn’t helped you yet, you can visit MyLife’s zip code directory to locate the person easier.
2. Establish a connection
Once you have found her, the next step is to initiate conversation.
You should only do this if you are comfortable and ready. Give her a call, send her an email, write her a letter, or message her through a social media site – whatever method feels comfortable to you.
Be sincere and honest in your approach.
3. Meet
Once you have agreed to meet, plan on a location where you both feel comfortable.
Your “first” get-together should be low key and relaxed so as not to overwhelm the situation.
- Instead of spending the entire day together, opt for a shorter meeting.
- You can grab a cup of coffee at a neighborhood cafe, for instance.
- Or you can meet at a bar for drinks.
4. Talk
One of the most difficult aspects of meeting an old flame is what to talk about.
It may be initially intimidating and awkward, especially if you haven’t seen each other in years.
To keep things flow smoothly, here are a few conversation ideas:
- Talk about your life
- what do you do for a living, where you’ve been after you last met, hobbies
- Ask about your partner’s life
- what has she been up to all these years
- Reminisce on fond memories
- talk about prom night
- graduation
- or other happy memories shared in the past for a sense of familiarity
- Avoid offensive topics
- Refrain from revisiting the drama of the past.
- Speak and listen as if you’re getting to know her for the first time
- Discover common interests
- talk about the latest movies you’ve seen, books you’ve read, or places you’ve been
5. Start Fresh
Don’t hold on to what happened in the past. If he cheated on you when you were 18, it doesn’t mean he’ll cheat on you at 35.
Start fresh, no matter what happened in the past.
- Do not overanalyze mistakes or reasons that led to the initial breakup.
- Approach the situation with the same attitude as you would a new relationship.
- After a first meeting or two, things will begin to flow.
Share your thoughts about it here.
Speak Your Mind, With Your Opinion
Nice to see you made it to the end of the post. Here’s what you can do next:
- Are you a rekindler?
- Do you have a past experience to share?
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And thanks for reading too – Let us know your thoughts in the comments.
Based in San Diego, California, Melissa Page is a professional writer with over four years of experience. She blogs about relationships and lifestyle at her group’s blog, Word Baristas. She also loves coffee, books, and travel.
Melissa – who has written 4 posts on GeekandJock.
Nice post! I always believe that love is sweeter the second time around. It’s like getting to know each other all over again, but feeling more comfortable yet cautious. It’s a bit challenging though since you have to evaluate which ones deserve a second chance, which is really difficult when you’re in love! :)
Have you ever been in this situation yourself, Amanda?
I’m interested in how you evaluated the situation since, as you say, it would certainly be a little challenging if you’re already smitten by the love bug.
Well let’s just say I gave about fourteen chances until I finally made a decision that still used “love.” But it was finally about loving myself more. There were “what ifs” along the way, but I knew I made the right decision because a new love was waiting after all!
Good article about those first tentative steps of getting together with an old flame. There are so many reasons why people part that it may well be that love can be rekindled.
I was wild about some guys in my past but with the benefit of hindsight (and a good husband!) I don’t want any of them to get in touch with me. I wonder if there’s a Do Not Call list like you have on the telephone service…Mind you, I’d be curious to know what they were like now and what fate I escaped.
I’m wondering the same thing, Ana. There are past relationships we don’t want to look back to, and yet there are also others – breakups mostly caused by parental disapproval – that may stand a chance.
Thanks for the comment.