- Leonardo DiCaprio wins an Oscar
- Leonardo DiCaprio loses and literally explodes
- Five-minute polemic on diversity from Quincy Jones, as promised
- Speech about sexism
- Speech about racism
- Speech about ageism
- Speech about Donald Trump
- Camera catches someone frowning
- Camera catches someone yawning
- Tears
- Orchestra plays off a winner
- Winner ignores orchestra playing them off
- A movie you’ve seen wins an Oscar
- A movie you enjoyed wins an Oscar
- Cute moments involving Jacob Tremblay
- Chris Rock references #OscarsSoWhite
- Chris Rock is mean about Jude Law again
- Saoirse Ronan’s name gets massacred
- Poo joke gets pegged to The Martian
- Bear rape joke gets pegged to The Revenant
- Lesbianism joke gets pegged to Carol
- Questionable trans joke
- A joke involving raw bison liver
- Any joke about Spotlight at all
- John Travolta is allowed to talk in public
- Sacha Baron Cohen comes on in character and alienates everyone
- Someone comes on dressed as The Revenant bear
- Someone wears a Mad Max mask
- Eager cut to Leonardo DiCaprio’s face when Lady Gaga performs
- Stallone poses for pictures with fists raised
- Cut to Charlotte Rampling’s face after a black actor is on stage
- Jennifer Lawrence falls over again
- A musical performance designed to appeal to young people who aren’t watching anyway
- Kate Winslet expressing her surprise at winning, following victories at the Baftas and Golden Globes
- An envelope sticks
- A range of black film-makers tweet about alternative Oscars plans
- Leonardo DiCaprio talks about the environment in his speech …
- … followed by a shot of Mark Ruffalo clapping firmly
- The In Memoriam section forgets to include a beloved figure
- The In Memoriam section includes someone who isn’t dead
- Jack Nicholson
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